I stumbled upon this journey. I was at a point in my life where I was spiraling and hiding it from everyone else but God who had a front row seat to my one man pretense play. I was getting good at it. Putting up a brave face among people who seemed to be growing in their faith faster than I was, and because I didn't want to "ruin the balance" (silly, i know)
I didn't ask questions. I kept my smile in check and played it cool but i was hurting on the inside. I had even started to get mad at God. Time after time, I had heard all the things He had said about me and I just wasn't seeing it. I just wasn't seeing it. It was so bad that even when God would tell me He was proud of me, I'd answer with a snark, "What for?" I just simply wasn't seeing it. I would even get mad at my friends who had seen glimpses of my calling, especially things I had yet to realize. I kept on feeling like i was always "less than" what He had explained me to be and i honestly got sarcastic. Toward God! Some call it honesty, but this was my everyday conversation with God. I was in a bad place.
I honestly can't say i'm 100% different now. It's been 6 days but i'm changing. It is impossible for me to remain the same each day i spend in His presence. So i'm changing. I'm at a place of unlearning what i had learnt, all the distorted views and perceptions of myself and relearning all that God had spoken of me with a fresh pair of eyes so that i walk in it and embrace His nature in me. I'm at a place of recognizing and celebrating each and every good and perfect gift to me from God and simply appreciating everything. Every little bit counts. Every little bit.
I don't know what led you here. I don't know what you're expecting. But i'm glad you came. If you leave with nothing else leave with the truth that God is for you and that all He says and does is motivated byHis unfailing mercy and love.
One thing is for sure: You will not leave this blog the same.
Grace and peace dear ones,
Koki
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